In my life, I have seen much as it relates to God and church and religion. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and was saying that she prays for other people's stuff, but she doesn't pray about her own stuff. This concerned me of course, and I had to ask why. She said she just feels like it's not as important. This calls to mind something I wrote a while back, and I'm gonna put it here for the focus of today's blog.
Now, most of the people that I went to grad school with have at some point heard my resistance to doing a PhD, and I will definitely stand on that resistance with all that I have. It’s not just a resistance to further school, but I’m not a fan of politics and the things that control education apart from the actual learning. YET, I were to do a PhD, I might have to do it based on something that has become a passion of mine in recent years. While I am admittedly in an interesting place as it pertains to the Church and organized religion as it is now, I still like the Church and would love to see it doing what I feel like it was founded to do – transmit the heart of God to the people, especially via fellowship with other people. Now, this may seem a bit vague, and many may say that the Church has other duties and responsibilities. It’s even possible to interpret my general description in many ways depending on how you see God, the Church, religion, human nature, etc. Even with all that as the case, I feel like there is more that the Church can do for people’s everyday lives, especially in the vein of psychology.
This became especially apparent to me after a conversation with one of my friends. We were talking about life and such in general, and he made it clear that his relationship with God was slightly interesting and related to his lack of relationship with his father. Sadly, lack of relationships with fathers is the story of a lot of people I know and it has some devastating effects on people. My concern with this is that people who do not have such relationships should be able to find comfort in church, especially if church is supposed to introduce us to a loving relationship with the Father of fathers. I’m reminded of the verses in Matthew 7 that talk about a father’s love for his children – “if your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t do such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?” The NIV says, “how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
God is not sitting on the throne in Heaven waiting for you to mess up in order to punish you. If we are to believe that God is embodied in Jesus, then we should make the connection between Jesus’ heart and compassion for us and God’s. The same Jesus that said things like “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do,” “let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” “forgive 70 times 70,” and more is taught to be the same as the God who sits above. So why is it that Jesus is painted as a gentle, compassionate savior but God is an angry, vindictive tyrant whose wrath is His only trait? Such a portrayal of God can be especially damaging for people who have grown up with absent (physically or emotionally) fathers, because they have no real concept of a good relationship with a father. When this punishment-happy image of God is painted in their minds, they have no loving example of a father to weigh it against or frame of reference for imagining anything else, so they are stuck with assuming that this God they need to serve is a bully who wants slaves.
While I am not God, I’m fairly certain that this picture is not one that God would agree with. It does more harm than good, and it can create unfortunate struggles for people whose hearts desire a real relationship with God but are scarred by religion and scared by the Church into thinking that God would sooner smite them than welcome them into the divine presence if they even think a wrong thought. Sometimes I wonder if the Church has even read the book they call holy, because then stories like the prodigal son would illustrate that even people who intentionally mess up get welcomed back with open arms. The father in the story doesn’t make the son jump through hoops, do 100 religious rituals, apologize to the church, or anything like that. The father runs to meet him, hugs him, adorns him in the father’s finery, and throws him a party.
One of my favorite TV shows ever is “Avatar: The Last Airbender.” It offers many lessons and insights into life and spirituality and belief in one’s self. One moment in the show that touched me happened near the end of the series. Zukko was the prince of the Fire Nation, and he’d been banished by his father for disrespect. When he left, his uncle went with him, and he always offered Zukko advice, encouraging him to live life and teaching him wisdom. Zukko’s concern was finding the Avatar, because that would appease his father and gain his father’s love. Through various events, Zukko gained back his father’s approval but betrayed his uncle and got him put in jail. Once Zukko realizes that his father had been an evil man and that his uncle had been a real father to him, he seeks out his uncle and approaches him saying, “Uncle, I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me, but I want you to know I am so, so sorry, uncle. I’m so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I don’t know how I can ever make it up to you, but I…” At this point, his uncle grabs and hugs him. Zukko says, “how can you forgive me so easily? I thought you would be furious with me.” As they both cry, his uncle continues to hold him, saying, “I was never angry with you. I was sad because I was afraid you lost your way.” Zukko responds, “I did lose my way.” His uncle replies, “but you found it again.”
I think this scene represents how God feels about us. God wants the best for us, and it breaks God’s heart when we seek other ways of getting the bounty that God would give us freely in God’s will. We spend so much time looking for love in other broken people, approval from people who don’t even approve of themselves, material things to fill the emotional voids, pleasure to hide the pain, and so much more that we can’t possibly reach to God for them. Besides, why would we if we’ve been taught that God doesn’t really care, that God will only love/bless us when we are perfect, that God isn’t concerned with our day to day lives but somehow demands our undying loyalty and obedience, wanting to use us for holy purposes then leave us to work out most of life on our own? For a God with unconditional love, omniscience, omnipresence, and other such traits, it is hard to imagine that God would treat us like we so often treat each other – using people to suit a particular purpose then ignoring them until they are needed again.
So, I wanna look at how religion/God can contribute to psychology and the things that happen in life. Maybe this is supposed to be what the church is about in general, but it doesn’t seem to happen that way. Like the Pharisees, the Church has been putting restrictions and laws and traditions on people that God never intended. We get mad at the Pharisees for not recognizing Jesus, but the Church seems to be doing the same thing, placing restrictions and not allowing grace where it should apply. The Church wants to legislate our lives without introducing us to the reason we should desire live lives that differ from the norm. People (in and out of the Church) see Christianity as a bunch of rules, and this is understandable. When it’s introduced as things that God wants you to do without allowing a relationship with God to build and develop, then it is just rules in the name of God (and clearly I can’t argue with God, so I can’t argue with the rules). And I have to ask if we are supposed to fear God when the Bible says that “perfect love casts out all fear.”
I say, let’s get to know God. Ask God to show up and allow you to really see what real relationship feels like. Yes, church has a lot of things to say, but God talks too. I’m not saying that the Church is horrible and that we should all desert it, but I will say that God is bigger than a book, a building, and a pastor. Let God’s love make the difference in how you see yourself, knowing that God sees you as beautiful, worthwhile, and amazing just because you exist. As a man explained to his son who did something wrong, “there’s nothing you can ever do that will make me love you less.” That’s how God feels about you.
So as you reflect on what's been said, think about God - not as a religious entity or being created in the mind of religious institutions but as a relating being who has a heart for you. Don't worry about doctrines, dogmas, or church requirements, because those things don't really matter in the end. Take God out of the box of religious boundaries, and you will be blessed.
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