Rejection - "the state of being rejected (refused to be accepted; discarded as useless or unsatisfactory; cast out or ejected; vomited)." At some point in life, everyone of us has experienced rejection. Whether in small ways or in large ways, by one person or many, by a stranger or a parent or your dearest friend, we have all experienced this painful feeling. And the more rejection we experience in life, the more we tend to look at ourselves and wonder what is causing all the pain. We begin to question what it is about us that causes people to want to stay away. We may even begin to feel unloved and unwanted because we've been turned away so many times.
In my personal experience, I've dealt with so much rejection that I felt unworthy. Over and over, I was told or shown that I was not enough, as I was passed over or chosen and then discarded. Even in my friendships, I often felt that the love and care I was giving was not fully reciprocated. And I had many an unrequited love/crush. And most of my friendships didn't last beyond the season I was in school/proximity with a particular person. When people talk about having lifelong friends since Kindergarten, I wonder what that's like, because without facebook, I would have no idea what's going on with hardly anyone I met before college. So, because of this, I've often felt rejected in one way or another, and I had dedicated my life to not feeling such again.
One of my friends with the crush (the one who has a girlfriend) that I talked about a few days back updated me on her situation. She had been working to manage her feelings for her friend, but she was having some difficulty. She said she'd even snapped on her at one point because of the difficulty she was experiencing. After conversing with me and some other friends, she decided that she needed to have another conversation with her friend. Initially she was just gonna say that she was having difficulty managing her feelings, but she was advised to figure out why and really deal with her feelings. Well, like me, she's had some issues with emotions, so this would prove to be a tough task.
Either way, she did some thinking and some feeling and then sat down with her friend. She realized that one of her major issues was the rejection that she'd dealt with in her past. She'd often felt rejected, and she felt like she was almost being rejected again in the situation. She understood that her friend was not rejecting her - that she was simply already in a relationship - but because of her past, it mirrored past experiences, which caused her to shut down and disengage in the friendship rather than experience the pain as before. Well, her friend assured her that she was sensitive to that, and she didn't want her to feel rejected. They would continue to be friends and communicate, observing appropriate physical boundaries. Her friend said that she would be sensitive to her feelings, erring on the side of caution, because she understands the dynamics and doesn't want to hurt her.
My friend was given the gift of assurance. Not only is her friend sensitive to the concern for rejection, even unintentional, but she assured her that the basis for everything is their friendship. She assured her that, while her feelings may not be reciprocated in a romantic sense, she is no less loved.
That has since changed her life and her outlook. She feels confident in not only that relationship but in her relationships in general and in life. To have someone take that much time and be that concerned with her feelings made all the difference.
Now, while we can't typically stop people from rejecting us, we can choose how we interpret it and how we react in the future. While my friend risked rejection in sharing her feelings, she took the chance to be vulnerable, and she was given the gift of assurance. We can't let rejection in the past keep us from moving forward in the future. I know it's painful and it's hard to work through, but we will not be rejected all of our lives. And most important is learning to accept ourselves, so that we will always have someone who is in our corner. And of course, God will never reject you, so allow God's acceptance to help heal what others have rejected.
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