Day 89 - Communication

Few things in life and relationship are as important as communication... and few things are also handled as incorrectly.  We've all heard that communication is verbal as well as non-verbal, but how much do we really pay attention to each form?  Do we understand that there is text (the words) but also context (the situation around and causing the words as they come as opposed to coming another way)?  We know that there is such a thing as not communicating enough (relationships often run into issues when this is the case), but is there such thing as overly communicating?  When we communicate, what are we communicating and what is being heard? 
I find that communication is hugely important, and when we take the time to do it right, it can change/bless our lives and our relationships.  The problem is that it's seldom done right.  While I am no guru on communication, esp in a world where much of our communication is more digital than live action, I do believe that there are some things we should consider.

• How do you best communicate?  I know that I'm a writer through and through.  For me, verbal communication and processing is not my strong suit.  If I have a conversation with you in which much is said, I will probably be quiet for much of the conversation and then send you an email later.  If you know you like to talk things out, then do that.  If you know you need time to go away and think then come back, let the person know.  On the same hand, understand how the person you are communicating with communicates.  I have many friends who like to talk through things in the moment, so we have to work out a way that will allow us to effectively communicate given our different methods.  I may write what I want to say and give it to them so that I've communicated what I need to and then we come together and talk through it once they've read it.
• Be honest and open.  In my mind, there's almost no point communicating if you can't be honest in what you are putting forth.  Lying is never a good thing for a relationship.  We probably learned as little kids to lie to avoid getting in trouble, but hopefully we have grown out of such a phase.  As hard as it may be sometimes to be honest, it is always better in the long run to be honest with yourself and others.
• Listen as well as talk.  I've heard the advice, "listen - you might learn something."  I think we're sometimes scared to listen because we're afraid of what we'll learn, but in relationships, I think it's important to be able to hear the truth, even when it's not pleasant.
• Be considerate when communicating important things.  Don't try to have an important conversation at 5am or when the person is in the middle of something important.  Make sure that you and the other person are in the space to be able to hear and share fully in what is going on.
• Pay attention to the non-verbals.  Washington Irving once said, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”  Sometimes, words are not possible but things are still being communicated.  Pay attention to body language, tone, voice volume, etc.

Know that communication is critical to any relationship.  While you may be concerned about having a particular conversation, trust the relationship and the person and know them well enough to know that they can handle it.  And even if, for some reason they cannot, you have to trust yourself enough to be honest about what you want/need.  If they cannot handle it, this may be a sign that the relationship needs to be re-evaluated.